April 28,1875, Brooksburg, Indiana: (KB Wire)
By: Kraig Bergeron, staff writer
Bart Law's keen eye landed him the world's largest Merelle mushroom today. The mushroom was twelve-inches high by three-inches in diameter. Mr. Law said, "I was lookin' for lunch - the rabbit and turkey are runnin' pretty good right now - when, suddenly...there it was. The prettiest damn mushroom you ever saw. I was awestricken. Rarely in my life have I seen such a thing! My mouth started a-waterin' right away and I couldn't wait to fix dinner. But, I kept hunting mushrooms for a while. I was findin' more mushrooms than I was findin' game, anyway"
A neighbor, "Doc", who heard of Mr. Law's discovery, called the Guinness Book of World Records, who promptly sent a representative to Mr. Law's cabin out in Brooksburg, Indiana, population 78. When the Guinness Man saw the mushroom, he nearly popped his suspenders! "Shazam!", said the official of the world record publication. "Mr. Law, we must have that mushroom in our Guinness Museum! I'm prepared to make you an offer."
Mr. Law replied, "Take your best shot…"
The Guinness Book of World Records offered Mr. Law one-thousand-dollars on the spot for his prize mushroom.
Mr. Law thought for a moment, and then said, "I can buy a lot of groceries and sundries and supplies with that kind of money. Are you sure you want to spend that much money on just one mushroom? There's plenty more."
"Mr. Law", replied the representative, "that there mushroom that you found is by-far the largest one ever found in the world. It may be another hundered-years before anyone finds one that is bigger. The Guinness Book of World Records can't wait for a-hundred-years to have this thing--when we already have one--right here in front of us. I'm sure you can understand our point, can't you, Mr. Law?"
Mr. Law said, "You're lucky you came when you did, because in another ten or fifteen minutes, that mushroom, and the others, were gonna' be supper. My wife, Brenda, and my kids, Matt and Chelsea are gettin' mighty hungry"
The Guinness representative promptly paid Mr. Law the one-thousand-dollars cash, and proceeded to leave with his prize possession. "You won't be sorry, Mr. Law", declared the representative as he hastily walked away, "this mushroom will be in our museum for a long, long time...with your name and picture right next to it. I'd be willing to bet that it will be over a-hundred-years before anyone else finds another one like this."
Mr. Law just smiled and waved as the man made his way down the path to his horse. Law thought to himself, "A whole-thousand-dollars for a mushroom, what's this world coming to?"
Bart then turned to Brenda, Matt and Chelsea and said, "Well, y'all, I guess we're havin' steak for dinner tomorrow night. Tonight, it's Merelle mushrooms all the way around. I found over a dozen today when I was out in the woods."
They were all chompin'-at-the-bit because they all loved fried Merelle mushrooms. "When's dinner?", they all asked together.
"Just as soon as I can get these here mushrooms all cut up and fried." said Mr. Law as he pulled the rest of the mushrooms out of his satchel and started carefully slicing them.
Every one of those dinner mushrooms were twice the size of the one he'd just sold.
The story above is fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
However, Bart has found many damn big Merelle mushrooms!